\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If there is one thing I have learned from movies about true love (and there isn\u2019t), it is that true love is a feeling that comes upon a person unexpectedly, irregardless of the character of the one loved.\u00a0 Additionally, love is only really real when it leads one to defy one\u2019s parent\u2019s advice.\u00a0 Dads (unless they are hippies) are entirely too rational and bigoted to understand their child\u2019s affections.\u00a0 This cliche is not just in movies but is repeated in countless sitcoms and popular songs.<\/p>\n
\nShe’s in love with the boy
\nAnd even if they have to run away
\nShe’s gonna marry that boy someday<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\nUnfortunately, this silly understanding of love does not simply exist in the broader culture but is often present among the children of Christians.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Aside from being stupid, the popular understanding of love, dating, and romance is a dangerous manifestation of dragon venom.\u00a0 From the beginning, Satan, that powerful serpent, has attacked mankind with poisonous words.\u00a0 Jesus tells us that the devil was a liar from the beginning (John 8:44).\u00a0 When Adam and Eve believed his words instead of God’s, they died.\u00a0 God promised a savior, a dragon-slayer, through the seed of Eve (Genesis 3:15).\u00a0 One of the themes throughout Scripture is the struggle between the offspring of Eve, God’s people, and the offspring of the dragon.\u00a0 The offspring of the dragon seek to conquer God’s people by destroying their offspring.\u00a0 The dragon is presented as a beast who loves to eat babies (Revelation 12:4,17). So, when Cain kills Abel, when Pharaoh kills Hebrew boys, or when Herod does the same thing, we see this struggle play out.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One might wonder, whether or not making babies is really a concern for Christians, after all childbirth is so earthy and dirty and the messiah has already been born so we do not need to worry about the Dragon keeping us from salvation.\u00a0 The truth is that our salvation is still linked to childbirth (1 Timothy 2:15).\u00a0 Salvation is not only personal, but has to do with a renewed creation.\u00a0 Jesus is reigning until He puts all his enemies under his feet and then comes the resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:25,6).\u00a0 The command (and blessing!) given to Adam and Eve to be fruitful was given as part of their Great Commission to subdue the creation (Genesis 1:28).\u00a0 As we try to conquer, convert, and disciple a world filled with all sorts of unbelievers it makes a difference whether or not we have more offspring than the Muslims.<\/p>\n
Problem #1: Selfish Concerns Blind Young People to Real Consequences<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What I am trying to say is that the World’s understanding of romance (in this case the American form of it) comes to the Christian as an attack on their offspring.\u00a0 This is done, first and foremost by convincing all of us that our marriages are created primarily for our personal fulfillment.\u00a0 While, all Christians should find fulfillment in his or her spouse, to my knowledge, it is never given as the purpose of marriage.\u00a0 On the contrary, God gives us at least one of the purposes of marriage in Malachi 2:15, \u201cDid he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring.\u201d\u00a0 One thing God says He intended to get out of giving men and women in\u00a0 marriage is godly offspring.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The problem is, that young men and women in our culture find someone they think is cute and fulfills some insecurity in them and give no thought to the effect this person will have the future of their children and their grandchildren.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let’s say a woman marries a man who is shiftless.\u00a0 She can look forward to lazy, irreverent children who are not discipled and to having to work rather than raising her children.\u00a0 She can look forward to children who do not want to expend the energy to go to church, and grandchildren that may have no concern for or knowledge of Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let’s say a man marries a complaining woman who cannot shut her mouth.\u00a0 Not only can he look forward to an existence that is a living hell, (Solomon says living with her is about as bad as Chinese water torture in Prov 27:15,6.\u00a0 See also 21:9, 19.) but such a woman rips down her household around her with her wicked tongue (Prov 14:1).\u00a0 You will reach the end of your life, and instead of looking upon the increase of your family, you will feel like you are standing in a heap of ruins, with contentious children who can barely even pretend they like one another.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let’s say a woman dates a man who loves perversion.\u00a0 Trying to not loose his attention, she tells him she does not like the posters of nearly-naked women on his wall, but she ignores the fact that he is an unrepentant fornicator.\u00a0 Or perhaps, she allows him to have his way with her so that she does not loose him.\u00a0 She does not consider that this man, who does not treat sex as alone reserved for his future wife, will have no qualms with committing adultery, leaving her without a husband, her future children without a father, and their children without a grandfather.\u00a0 She does not consider that pornography often leads to child pornography.\u00a0 Although she might not let her children go on a Boy Scout trip with someone who wants to fondle them, she will allow this man unrestricted access to her future children.<\/p>\n
Problem #2 Parents Do Not Exercise their Authority<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The other area where Christians give in to the lies of the dragon is that most fathers think they do not play a role in helping their children marry a good person.\u00a0 In the movies, when a father sees the error of his ways at the end, he often tells his daughter, \u201cI just want you to be happy.\u201d\u00a0 Somehow, these words come out of his mouth as she is about to run off to a motel with the laziest, stupid, and disrespectful young man in the whole town!\u00a0 While, the average Christian father is not that bad (he will try to make sure his daughters marries the bum first), it is shocking how many fathers will not guide their children or try to forbid them from marrying certain people.\u00a0 It is not that they are not wise enough to give helpful advice; they just do not believe it is their place.\u00a0 I know a man who saw exactly what was wrong with his son’s wife-to-be before he was married, but did not say anything until after the divorce!\u00a0 Numbers 30:3-5 tells us that the Father has the right to annul an oath made by his daughter, and when he is giving her his approval and will be held responsible.\u00a0 No place is this authority exercised more appropriately than in making sure that one’s daughter marries a godly man.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Of course, sometimes dads are bigots or do not emphasize the most important things to their children.\u00a0 Unfortunately, many times the things that fathers are willing to tell their children can sometimes be wrong or just not the most important things.\u00a0 This does not mean there is nothing to be gleamed from their years of experience.\u00a0 If he thinks all white people are conceited and greedy, one should at least have other trustworthy people that can help one judge if this is true about one’s love interest.\u00a0 A father may have unreasonable expectations about money, and, while you may be able to live on less than he would like, it is a good idea to have people who can thoroughly and objectively examine these things (especially if this person handles money irresponsibly).\u00a0 It is important to have many wise adults who can help correct some errors, but a father’s advice should not be shoved aside lightly.<\/p>\n
Correction #1: Teach Your Children Early and Often<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The obvious problem with a father vetoing his children’s decisions regarding potential spouses is that most young people do not care what their father thinks.\u00a0 What we must realize is that this response did not come out of thin air (although it did in a way; see Ephesians 2:2), but is culturally conditioned.\u00a0 This reminds me of the whiny Mary from The Nativity Story.\u00a0 For some reason the scriptwriters believed that she would have been as dejected and pouty as if a modern teenager was told to marry an older Joseph.\u00a0 The fact is that our children only accept the culture’s approach to dating and romance if we raise them to.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 For this reason, a father must start presenting the Christian understanding of dating, marriage, and offspring from an early age.\u00a0 Of course, the father must first know what the Biblical understanding is.\u00a0 So, he should read Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity,\u00a0Joshua Harris’s I Kissed Dating Goodbye,\u00a0and Douglas Wilson’s Her Hand in Marriage.\u00a0 If he is humble, he will learn to at least see major flaws in the current dating system and to want to give his son or daughter guidance in his or her future decision-making.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then he must work his new understanding into his daily discipleship (Deuteronomy 6:7).\u00a0 As he goes about his day discipling his child, part of that must involve instruction regarding his or her future marriage.\u00a0 Communicate what kinds of qualities make a good spouse and about gender roles. Tell him or her not to be like the children around them who waste their time chasing children of the opposite sex before they could conceivably marry.\u00a0 Teach them that they are going to one day be fruitful to God and that they have been given a stewardship that will affect generations.\u00a0 Describe to your daughters how they will one day direct suitors to you so that they can make a wise decisions together and so that pushy young men cannot take advantage of them.\u00a0 Teach your sons how to be a defender of their sisters, how to respect all women, and how to one day pursue a young woman in a way that honors her purity.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then, contradict every stupid thing you hear in the culture.\u00a0 Instead of asking your sons how many girlfriends they have, teach them to not get ahead of themselves.\u00a0 When you watch a movie, listen to a song, or read a book with a stupid view of romance make sure your children know why it is stupid.\u00a0 When your daughter’s friends are swooning over androgynous young men in a boy-band, teach your daughters not to make fools of themselves.\u00a0 Tell them stories of godly romance.\u00a0 They will have to learn Romeo and Juliet, but make sure they know by heart the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Christ and the Church, and Westley and Buttercup (maybe), etc.<\/p>\n
Correction #2: Shape Your Children’s Values<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Our affections are emotional responses to what we value.\u00a0 If a child values the romance they see in the movies, it will be nearly impossible to bring them to reality.\u00a0 A girl who just wants a young man to show her attention will not listen even if a hundred people tell her that her boyfriend is worthless.\u00a0 If a child values the romance they see in the Bible, they will make wise decisions. Teach your daughters to value hard workers so that when the lazy boy in the youth group starts trying to flirt with her, she has already started shuddering before he even opened his mouth.\u00a0 Teach your sons to fear contentious women so that when \u201cmiss thing\u201d at the college starts looking at him, all he sees is a gold ring in a pig\u2019s snout (Proverbs 11:22).<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The father of proverbs is always working to make sure his children properly view the world around them.\u00a0 Reality is deceptive, and what seems good can often be deadly (Genesis 3:6).\u00a0 Part of growing up is (or should be) learning to judge things as they really are and not as they look.\u00a0 So, it is not enough just to try to keep your sons away from pictures of loose women, but to teach him how to think about women who might want to allure him (whether in person or the representative of some business on a commercial).\u00a0 She may look good, but she is a man-eater and those who fool around with her get swallowed down to hell (Proverbs 9:13-8).\u00a0 Years of reminding a boy of this might be enough for him to really think twice about the touchy-feely girl in the low-cut dress.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It may seem rude, but the book of Proverbs gives parents example after example of how to explain to your children the type of people they do not want to be or associate (Prov 13:20).\u00a0 (This must be accompanied by clear instruction regarding the difference between instruction and gossip and what is and is not supposed to be repeated.)\u00a0 So, when you see a man who sends his wife to work so he can afford a vacation you say, \u201cA greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the LORD will be enriched. (Prov 28:25)\u201d\u00a0 Let your children know, \u201cYou have seen how uncle Bill has discouraged your aunt and cousins, now don’t you marry a scoffer like him.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cDid you hear how that young girl was talking to her father in Walmart?\u00a0 If you marry a disrespectful woman like that, you will want to kill yourself.\u00a0 Stay away from people like her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There are serious matters involved in whom a man or woman decides to marry.\u00a0 They are not just deciding who their life-partner will be, but they are deciding who will be the father or mother of their children, the grandparent of their children’s children, and so on and so forth.\u00a0 Marrying the wrong person has far-reaching consequences.\u00a0 The point here is not to be hyper critical of people’s faults.\u00a0 We all marry imperfect people, but young folks need to know the difference between who is marriage-worthy and who is not for the sake of bearing children for God.\u00a0 Our goal is to see God’s faithfulness from generation to generation as we bear many children and raise them to know Jesus Christ (Deuteronomy 7:9).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If there is one thing I have learned from movies about true love (and there isn\u2019t), it is that true love is a feeling that comes upon a person unexpectedly, irregardless of the character of the one loved.\u00a0 Additionally, love is only really real when it leads one to defy one\u2019s parent\u2019s advice.\u00a0 Dads … Continue reading Biblical Romance: Protecting the Seed and Refuting the Culture<\/span>